Friday, June 14, 2013


I'm having a bad day today.  I talked with a lady yesterday for nearly an hour who'd lost her son tragically.  I could see the hurt in her eyes.  I could see and feel the emptiness that was there.  I did my best to listen to her story and not cry.  I did my best to be empathetic/sympathetic.
And I hate to say this, and I feel so bad even that I thought this-  but while she was talking I couldn't help but think I didn't want to be her.  I didn't want to feel that pain.  I don't want to lose my child like she lost hers.  I was glad it was her at that moment and not me.  Terrible, I know.  I feel horrible about those thoughts.

Then she said "It's not like my son had cancer and I could see it coming.  He was healthy."-- ouch.  I did my best not to react to her statement,  but it got me thinking--- Does it matter that you know your kid is sick?  Losing a child is losing a child.  I don't think it hurts any less if you "can see it coming".  Right?

Anyway, I'd been doing pretty well since getting back from Houston.  I hadn't cried myself to sleep in a few days but last night I back slid a little. I cried for a while.  I'm getting pretty good at silently crying so I don't disturb my husband.  I had to go to the bathroom and cry this morning at work.

My mood is low. I am sad.  Sorry to be such a bummer.



  1. Don't feel bad about those thoughts jamie. All of that is normal. And I've contemplated that same thing before which is "better" for lack of a better word knowing its coming or it being a tragic accident and unexpected. My brother passed away w cancer five months before that my sister in law died in a car accident... there is no better way....both hurt the same but what the lady said is just something ppl say when their is an accident. I remember my dad saying when my sis in law died he said he wish there had been something wrong w her so there would have been a justification of taking her so suddenly maybe she would have suffered later in life its just things the mind thinks when tragedy hits. But everything is going to be grt the drs in Houston all had positive outlooks I'd probably would have said something made her feel bad lol. I hope my response hasn't upset you jamie I just know that the mind goes to places when you are hurt and in pain just know you are loved and don't beat yourself up-candice

  2. hugs, my friend! Enjoy your weekend with your family.

  3. So sorry you are sad. And you are completely right, losing a child is losing a child. No loss is 'greater.'
    Thinking of you and your family.